I’m sort of obsessed with learning about leadership lately. I have no official leadership responsibilities, but I’m interested in learning about leadership because I think being a good leader in life is how I can make a difference in the world. How we can ALL make a difference.

Did you know you don’t actually have to be in a leadership capacity (like at school, work, or church) in order to be a leader? In fact, I’m convinced that if we had more good everyday leaders, we could derail much of the divisiveness and contention that exists in the world today, and begin to lift one another to greatness.

What I’m beginning to understand is that leadership has less to do with how efficient and organized you are in your given responsibilities, and everything to do with how people-focused you are.

A good leader leverages the strengths of her team to help everyone win. A good leader is humble, and willing to admit her weaknesses. She accepts responsibility for mistakes and gives ample praise to the team when things go well. A good leader isn’t afraid of failure, or is, but keeps trying anyway.

one change to become a better leader

Here’s an idea I got from Clay Scroggins – the author of The Aspiring Leaders Guide to The Future:

Stop giving a grade, and start lending a hand.

One year the PTO at my kids’ school sent a fundraising letter during the first month of school. It was meant to give parents the chance to donate a chunk of money upfront, and feel good about opting-out of all the subsequent fundraising opportunities that would follow throughout the year.

I liked the idea, but the letter was all wrong. Yes, I definitely read that letter with full intention of giving it a grade, and the grade was an F.

I then proceeded to write a letter to the PTO explaining the pitfalls of their methods. I can’t tell you how many letters I’ve written to organizations and companies letting them know how I disapproved of something they did or didn’t do. Leadership FAIL.

(To my credit, I never sent this particular letter. In fact, I rarely do anymore. I still write them, of course. But so did Abraham Lincoln. It helps get the frustration out).

leadership means lending a hand

But what if instead of grading that letter, I decided to ask one simple question: how can I help the PTO reach their goal, especially since this letter wasn’t likely to be very successful? I might have decided to volunteer, or offered my help in writing the next letter. Maybe it would have been as simple as admitting I don’t actually know EVERYTHING and I’m not always right, and deciding to donate anyway.

And don’t get me wrong, there is NOTHING wrong with thinking critically. That’s how good things become great, and how we affect much needed change.

However, when the motive behind that thinking is destructive, it sounds more like the cynical whine of someone who has no idea what it really takes to run an organization, event, company, or church. No one wants to listen to that.

So I’m one step closer to mastering this leadership idea. I don’t send my angry letters anymore, but the next step for me is asking how I can lend a hand rather than sitting back and criticizing. If I can learn to offer my critical thinking skills from a place of love and genuine desire for the success of the team, I’m way more likely to be able to affect change.

That’s the kind of leadership characteristic that can make a difference, even if just to one person who’s grateful they didn’t get an angry letter.

Do you do this well? I’d love to hear stories!

Love Abby